Why We Love Gay Sex

**Warning! Adult Language And Graphic Sexual Content!**

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http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jun/28/erotica-e-reader-success?CMP=share_btn_tw

     This morning, the indomitable and beautiful Mrs. Shea Wong shared this article with me. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

    If you’ve read some of my past posts you’ll know I’m a huge fan of self/indie publishing (obviously) and the way it’s changed the nature and availability of what’s out there for readers. I love that if I got a wild hair and wanted to read about men in top hats licking bowling balls, I’d probably be able to find it. If not, I could write it and at least a few people would say “Yes, finally!” It’s a very brave new world but instead of Soma we have filthy ebooks.

   There were two points that the article touched upon that I wanted to take a bit further.

“Ellora’s Cave did not take gay male romance because they said that their customers were mainly women. They had no idea that women love this stuff.” 

    After the success of my second M/M book I decided to focus primarily on gay erotica. This was, in my mind, a radical move. I thought I was leaving my straight female readers behind and choosing to cater to the gay community. It was thrilling and I naively thought I was doing something new and interesting. It didn’t take long for me to realize that a surprisingly high number of my readers were straight women. I’m not a physicist so I can’t tell you the exact statistic but I’d guess that about 80% of my readers are women like me. They’re straight, married and have children. They’re probably reading my books after the kids go to bed and might be a little drunk. Why? I took a close look at the feedback I was receiving and gave it a little thought and in the end, it really wasn’t that big of a mystery.

    Why do women enjoy reading about (and watching, if they’re anything like me) gay men having sex? There are so many reasons. Mostly because we’re people and two of anything is always better than one. Instead of one really hot guy, in gay erotica you have two. Two sets of abs, two sets of bedroom eyes, two sets of strong hands, two penises (peni? peen? Whatever.)… Even if I know that what I’m looking at is not for me, I want to be all up in it. On a subconscious level, at least. My husband is lovely, understanding and very secure but we have our limits.

    It also comes down to equipment. I’ll never have a penis. Obviously, I’ve been with men, so I know what it’s like to be a woman having sex with a man. I did some “exploring” before I settled down, I know what it’s like to be a woman having sex with a woman. But I’ll never be a man having sex with a man. That makes me sad.

    Then, we have the taboo of it all. One of my readers wrote: “I have not read a lot of MM Romance because I have mixed emotions with this genre. Don’t get me wrong, I love the thought of two men…however, I was raised where you didn’t hear or know of same sex relationships. It just didn’t happen and if it did, you never heard or much less talked about it. I guess you could say it was swept under the rug, so to speak.” For some of my readers, my books are their first and only exposure to gay men. I take that VERY seriously. It’s why I focus on healthy, stable relationships. It’s what I consider to be the norm with gay couples and how I want them to be viewed by my fellow straight peoples.

    Finally, I can’t discount the vulnerability implied by the act of gay anal sex. I’m not talking about sub/dom fetish sex. And I don’t like the implications that sometimes come with the term “bottom”. I don’t believe that one of the partners is agreeing to be the woman or that his ass has become a vagina, for sexual purposes. The inverse implied there is that the “top” needs his partner to be feminized. This feels like bullshit, to me. If a dude is into dudes, he’s into dudes. But there is that ability to be vulnerable, on the part of at least one partner, to mentally get past thousands of years of programming that tells us that sex isn’t supposed to work like that, for the sake of joining with the other partner. A lot of woman don’t get that with their male partner. That is our final frontier. Some men, no matter how openminded and sensual, won’t consider even the tiniest finger anywhere near their precious asses. Much to the chagrin of their curious and frustrated wives. So, seeing a man thoroughly enjoying anal sex provides an outlet (sorry) (not really) for those unfulfilled sexual wishes.

    The other point the article didn’t fully express is why women enjoy writing gay erotica. I’m finding that my brand of gay erotica is a bit unusual. Not exactly revolutionary or rare but not what the majority of my fellow writers are doing. And it’s not for everyone. But the readers that do love me, love me because I’m direct and honest about what I’m doing. I can’t tell you how many times my husband has lovingly told me that I’m “such a dude”. It took four years of marriage before he bought me flowers. “It’s because you’re so easy,” he said, then quickly explained that I was never the sort of woman that had to be wooed or got bent over the little things and required apologetic gestures. “You’re so rational,” he added. I apologize on his behalf to all the other women in the world. I’m sure he didn’t mean to imply you’re batshit stupid. Maybe. Sometimes, he’s a dick. But he’s mine. Anyways, I don’t need slow dances and candles. Guys don’t need slow dances and candles, in general. I’m a dude with a really big rack. I think this why it’s easy for me to write men.

    I’m pretty open about writing gay erotica. I get asked “Why gay though? Couldn’t you write about men and women?” I did that. It was…fine. Writing about gay men is so much more fun. There’s that directness that comes with men, that I keep central. This is basically the dialog that happens about a dozen times in each of my books: “Hey. I want to fuck,” said Guy #1. “Awesome, let’s fuck,” replied Guy #2. Ok, it’s a bit more polished than that but because we’re talking about men, I get to do away with a lot of mental gymnastics to get my characters into the bedroom.

    There’s also a delicious physicality that comes with men. I do a lot of tenderness. But at some point, these are men and they can take a lot of rough and hard that women can’t always do. Not that we don’t/can’t do rough and hard. I like a good hair pulling and won’t complain about a spanking but I’m never going to wrap my husband’s legs around my waist and drive him into next week. No matter how much I wish that I could. And a guy isn’t likely to complain about rug burns on his elbows if he got off. He’d just rub some salt on them and spit, or something. I respect the shit out of that.

    On top of all of the above reasons, I enjoy writing gay erotica because there just isn’t a lot of it out there. That was a sad revelation for me in the beginning. And much of what is out there lacks quality. I’m not suggesting that my books are perfect. They’re sooo far from that. But I take what I do very seriously and I work my ass off. I read a lot within my genre and don’t get that from many of the books I’ve seen. I honestly think this is why gay men aren’t reading as much gay erotica. They’ve seen that a lot of it is based on outdated cliches and fetishes, hastily written and sometimes, downright bizarre. I give away a lot of books. Especially to gay men. I’m trying to get it right and am looking for feedback. Also, I want my genre to be embraced by the people I write about.

    I think it’s incredibly exciting, the way e-readers are changing how and what people read. I love the idea that I’m swimming in a very small pool that’s on the verge of becoming an ocean. I can’t wait to see where e-readers and self publishing will take us. I love what it’s revealing about women and making available to them. Mostly, I’m ecstatic that I get to share the really hot guys that cavort within my twisted brain and their awesome adventures and that I have an eager audience to share them with.

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Why We Love Gay Sex

8 thoughts on “Why We Love Gay Sex

  1. Mandi Little says:

    Yes! All of that! I just powered through four of your books last week and will start Waiting For Mr. Ashwell next. I’ve read tons of MM books and have to say that your’s are just wonderful. Smart, soooo sexy and just the right amount of angst. It’s hard to pick a favorite, but Aiden is such a unique character, he has to be my fav. You pulled off what I would have thought to be the impossible with those two. Kudos to you! You’ve garnered another straight, married with kids one clicker!

    Mandi Little

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! That’s incredible! Thank You so much! I think Aiden will always be my favorite. I hope you love Ned and Ash, they’re pretty adorable too. You’re so lovely for giving me your time and I appreciate your kind words. Check back in and let me know what you think about Mr. Ashwell, please!

      Like

  2. Cyndi Uhlan says:

    So much this. Very similar to a recent discussion I had with a gay male friend about why I would watch gay porn, lol. Because its made by, and for, people who love men, and thats me! Two male characters to fall in love with a little, and imagine together visually, without all the usual romance book b.s. of “but what about my reputation”, etc!!

    Liked by 1 person

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